Yikes, it has been a long time.

So many times I have wanted to sit down and write, but timing, topic, energy all got the best of me.

I am doing okay. When I forget my meds 2 days in a row, it is bad. So I try not to forget. But I do. One day is okay. 2 is definitely not.

There are things I want to write about but I don't know if I should.

Someone surprised me and let me down in such a big way. They actually didn't let me down, they judged someone I love. But it has affected the way I feel about this person, and makes me not want to engage with this person. Is that right?

I see my 20's as a time of getting the kinks out. Having the babies, being absorbed in my school, my husband, my life.

My 30's, pretty good. Aside from some scary moments, and lots of deaths of loved ones, I see it as a time spent figuring out what matters to me, who matters to me.

My 40's, well. I would never presume to have it all figured out, but I really feel that I know who I am, what I stand for. In that same vein, I am putting relationships in categories. Those I want to invest in, those that I have to maintain because of familial ties, or other obligations, and those that I could happily say bye-bye to. Why do I want to waste time on a relationship that is not energizing, or positive? That is not to say that I only want to be in a relationship that "works" for me. Its not about getting. Its about feeling good being in that relationship, whether I am giving or receiving, whether things are in neutral or if they are speeding right along.

Yet, yet. There are some relationships that you have to maintain. So, what amount do you invest? What do you give of yourself? Why waste your time????

This isn't to say this has saddened me. Actually, it is quite interesting to think about, and sort out. It used to be stressful. This time, it is just...interesting. I am learning to enjoy the journey. Take in the views along the way. Learn something from the landscape. And take part of it with me for the future.